1. Get dragged by the sleeve into tall doors
2. Crane your head up last moment to catch glimpse of bird or bell
3. Slink to the long wooden seat, always cold, always to the left, always row 13
4. You’re late, feel the eyes watch the back of your neck as you sit
5. Itch your neck
6. Stare at the guy up front until your eyes water
7. Feel your face get heavy until your mom pinches your leg
8. Let your head hang back and inspect the the flat painted ceiling, the flat painted swans, flat painted the goblets
9. See yourself in St. Joan of Arc
10. Find comfort by saying hello to the contoured cowboy you found in the stucco wall
11. Find comfort by confirming your memorized count of pillars, of window panes, of fleur de leis
12. Find comfort by playing with the loose skin on the back of your mom's hand
13. Stand up
14. Sit down
15. Stand up
16. Sit down
17. Kneel down
18. Stand up
19. Find comfort in taking a bigger sip than you're supposed to especially at your age
20. Stick your tongue out, you drunk
30. Hold the body in your mouth till the end of the service, imagine taking it to a laboratory to get tested
40. Hear the bells ring and drag your mom out by the sleeve, toes cold